Morgan’s First Concert from David J. on Vimeo.

She R.O.C.K.S!

I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to get together and talk recently. Life’s been crazy…you know how it goes! School started again for me, and for Captain Stinky, and then there’s the girls. It’s our life of barely-managed chaos.

And I hope you’ll forgive me for this brief meeting here, but see….I’m taking Statistics. And I don’t know if you’ve ever taken Statistics, Internet, but it’s cruel. And terrible. And mean. And also Statistics tries to give me a wedgie and wants to shut me in a locker. She’d probably also stick my underpants on the flagpole if she could. (Don’t tell her which drawer they’re in, okay? She scares me.)

Plus, Statistics speaks a different language than me. A scary one that I can’t even begin to decipher. It’s like Statistics talks in code, so as to not let me know it’s talking about me behind my back and saying mean things, like my hair’s flat or I have cankles. Statistics is mean and snotty that way.

So, I have to spend lots of time trying to get on her good side. I have to see if I can figure out Statistics’ secrets, and I only have a limited amount of time to do it in! So! I must go! But, alas, I WILL be back, Internet! Once I figure out Statistics’ great mysteries and learn to speak her language! Because I miss you, Internet! And I long to spend some time with you once more.

P.S. Did I mention your hair looks particularly good today? Also, that outfit brings out the gorgeousness of your eyes. Don’t give up on me!

Now, onto the post -

My son had a horrible, no good, very bad school year last year. His fifth grade class was one of the worst his teacher had ever seen. There were seven boys in the class (excluding Josh), and 6 of them the teacher let us know were inappropriate for him to be friends with. Several constantly made oral sex gestures to the TEACHER, and she had to repeatedly send them to in-school-suspension. One GIRL in class wrote notes about how she wanted to have sex with Josh. THESE ARE 10 YEAR OLDS, PEOPLE!

He came home many times in tears. He began to withdraw more and more, hiding in his room and hardly ever talking. It was BAD.

And? His middle school had an even worse reputation. So David and I decided to try other options.

These other options could not, by necessity, include home school. I cannot devote hours to schooling him, because Hannah would have the furniture rearranged (and de-stuffed), the doors off their hinges, and would have called the police, fire, and sanitation departments all within the first 15 minutes of my attention being directed elsewhere. (And no, I’m NOT kidding.)

Thankfully, Florida has a virtual school option. Starting Monday, Josh will be an e-school student. Still public school, still lots of socialization options, still groups of kids, still studying and focusing on academics. The difference is that everything will be online. Much like I attend classes for my degree, so we’ll be able to share aspects of the experience together!

That is, if it works out. See, part of the reason this type of learning works for me is that I keep to my study schedule pretty well. I make myself do it even when my husband wants me to watch TV with him, instead (except for last night, but that was totally because he waved my favorite shows in front of my face and I couldn’t say no so I didn’t read BUT? My book stayed open in front of me the WHOLE TIME. Except for the part where the show was on but you get what I’m saying, right?)

Anyway. Josh spends more time trying to get OUT of doing work than just buckling down and getting it done. Hopefully, he will figure out that whether or not this is a viable option for him is totally in his control, and that will help him find the motivation to just do it.

School for him starts Monday. I guess we’ll see how he does!

We sing. We sing before bed, we sing when we clean the house, we sing while bored – all of it. So it should be no surprise that the girls are learning lots of songs. They sing the songs with us, to their dolls and stuffed animals, and to each other.

Lately, one of their favorites is Old McDonald. The way it works for us is that David and I sing, but we stop when we get to “Old McDonald had a ……” and we let them fill in the blank. Now, in normal families, the blank is usually filled in with an animal, right?

Right?

Obviously, your kids lack creativity. In our house? Old McDonald has everything.

We’ve had the animals. Old McDonald has had a squid, a bear, a monkey, a snake, a fish, and a manatee, among others. AND, of course, there are all the “normal” animals.

Where things get interesting is beyond all that. Old McDonald has had toes. He’s had a nose. Hair. Mommy’s boobies (blame David for this one). He’s had a butt. He’s had a Morgan and a Hannah. A Mommy and a Daddy, and, of course, a Bubba. He’s had a cold. He’s had medicine. He’s had a mess. He’s had a wall, a door, and a potty. (It’s nice to know his farmhouse is taken care of.) He’s had books. And “babies” (or dolls).

He’s had clothes. He’s had a comb. He’s had a computer. He’s had a piano. He’s had a fan. A light. A phone. He’s had colors and, thankfully, paper. He’s had a clock. He’s had a spoon. He’s had Mommy’s car (which I’d like back now, thankyouverymuch!). He’s had nappies (our word for naps). He’s had blankies, too, which I guess make the nappies better.

He’s had dinnertime. He’s had chicken nuggets and hot dogs. He’s had laundry. He’s had glasses. He’s had dancing and songs. He’s even had rain and garage doors.

All in all, McDonald sounds like my kind of guy, and he is certainly a favorite of the girls’. I’m hoping we can move into another song soon, though, because coming up with the SOUNDS for all these things that are here, and there, and everywhere? THAT’S HARD.

E-I-E-I-O.

It amazes me how we have all come so far. Today, two ears ago, I was terrified because my baby daughters were stuck in Intensive Care with all these wires and bleeps coming from their bodies, and all I could really concentrate on was how easily we could lose them – how precarious their situation was (even though they were probably some of the most healthy babies in there) and how I wasn’t sure we were ever going to pull this whole “twins” thing off. It amazes how we went from here:

…to these bouncy, bubbly, loving little girls they are today.

And my goodness, the personality they each have! In many ways, they both hold on to so many of those personality traits they had even at birth, and in many ways they have branched out.

Hannah, the first born of the two, is still larger than life. She is my handful. She is opinionated and selfish, obstinate and determined, yet tender and needy at times too. She can be so gentle, or so forceful – depending on the message she’s trying to get across. She is happy and silly and goofy, and she can’t sit still for more than 2 seconds. She has to be interested in whatever she’s doing EVERY MOMENT she’s awake, or she will interest herself by getting into something she’s not supposed to.

Morgan is patient, already studious, yielding, and loving more than I could describe. We’ve learned we can’t even fake-cry around her, because she gets so upset herself that it’s difficult to calm her down. She wants just to love everyone and everything around her, and she can’t seem to limit the number of “babies” (dolls and stuffed animals) who simply MUST share a bed with her. She is the one who will pay attention to whatever she sees and hears, and suddenly come out with something rather profound for a little girl of two ears old. Something like “Look! Mommy! I made a pattern!”

(Here, she was learning how to play the violin from Curious George, for example.)

In their short lives, my daughters have experienced many things. They’ve moved from one southern state to an even more southern state, they’ve tried to french-kiss goats and dogs and even bugs. They’ve drawn with sidewalk chalk, crayons, colored pencils, markers, and goo from the trash. They’ve visited the Grand Canyon, Kennedy Space Center, and their time-out chairs (more than they’d like). They’ve tried many foods, and developed a particular affinity for vegetables, including broccoli, green beans (a particular favorite), and Hannah even likes chick-peas. And for the record? They both like the theory of a carousel, but not the actual experience of one.

(They both bolted as soon as the thing started moving.)

More importantly, they’ve developed bonds. With David and I, with Josh, and especially with each other.

They did the twin-speak thing, but then one day they started this amazing conversation between themselves over dinner, and they didn’t need it anymore. And we became part of their unusual inner-circle even more than we already were.

They are our joy – David’s, mine, AND their brother’s. They are happy, and because of that we laugh. All day, every day. Who knew life could be like this??? A child does, obviously, and now we three get to live ours through their eyes, at least partially.

And now we are all left to wonder – how did we ever live without them before? Do any of us even know?

How did life function before we had Hannah and Morgan kisses, or play times? Why did we ever try to go through life without daily experiencing the marvel of airplane noises? Without flying like butterflies, or dancing like frogs? How could we stand the idea of a day going by without the taste of chalk on our lips? How else would we find out what blue tastes like???

The answer is that we wouldn’t. And our lives would be much emptier.

So, Life? We’re good with shoes that aren’t required to be on the right feet. Heck! We don’t even need them to be from the same pair! We’re perfectly happy with having castles for dinner and wearing tutu’s because they match our hats!

Because with these little girls, our lives filled with magic, and our hearts grew four sizes that day that they were born.

And now there’s no going back. Our lives need those smiles – that laughter – the kisses and hugs -

- as much as we need the air that we breathe. So, Life? Bring it on! We’re all ready for the discoveries.

Happy birthday, my sweet baby girls.

I was wrong. The final straw came this week. It was more like a one-two punch.

Sandi is getting a divorce. From the Dallas Stars.

No. Its true. She said so.

Earlier this summer, the team announced both Mike Modano (all-time leading American-born scorer) and Marty Turco (elite goalie whose jersey Sandi wore) would not be returning as players. Modano was too old (40) and they were going to look at younger (read: cheaper) goalies.

If that wasn’t bad enough, this year’s Stanley Cup winners, the Chicago Blackhawks signed Turco. And the Detroit Red Wings are set to announce Modano joining the team on Friday.

She snapped. “You can take the license plate holder off my car now. Just throw it away.”

This is the woman who has been a fanatic fan of the team since they won the Stanley Cup in 1999. We were even season ticket holders in 2007-2008.

Wow. Who would have thunk it?!?! Just like that, the marriage was O.V.E.R.

Sandi has parted ways with the Dallas Stars.

She did ask if the Tampa Bay Lightning games are televised…..

Then, about 1:30 AM, Hannah starts to cry out. “No! My plate! MY PLATE! Please, Mama! MY plate!” I got up to go check on her, and she mumbled something else, but through it all she never even actually woke up.

I went back to bed, got all comfy and snuggley, and lulled into a false sense of calm. ***CRASH!!!!*** Something toward the front of the house clatters to the floor. Which is when I kind of panic….Josh was long asleep again by then…what the hell WAS that????

David got up for that one too. Turns out, Josh’s pillow fell off his bed and knocked something to the floor with it. All was fine. So, now, here I am posting to the blog in the dark, yawning, while everyone else is asleep (or at least something close to asleep). Would be nice if I were too…..It’s gonna be a LOOOONNNNGGGG day. I’m never feeding these people Ravioli for dinner again…

Laundry is relatively done. (Even while I’m doing it, more is being produced.) Dishes are washed. Brownies are even made for our neighbor’s birthday. There’s only one problem….I have no idea what we’re having for dinner.

I’ve noticed that I am the sum of these parts. Laundry. Cooking dinner. Washing dishes. Corralling children. Teaching them crap. Running errands. Ironing. Sewing patches. Replacing lost buttons. Bathtimes, mealtimes, bedtimes.  Fixing “owies” and taxi-ing. This feels like what’s starting to make me Me.

School needs to start again soon so that my brain remembers how to work. Two more weeks. Two more weeks. Two more weeks. Just have to last two more weeks.

Love,

Me

These? Are Daddy’s socks. AFTER he came home from work. AFTER he worked and sweated in them all day. Eeeeewwwww. (And yet, I took pictures rather than taking them away. See where my priorities are, Internet?)

There ARE side benefits to this little weird preoccupation she has….things like, at least the TV gets dusted…

But my world changed forever.

Hannah Nicole Ellis and Morgan Alyssa Harris made this world — along with their big brother Joshua — the most perfect place to be. Ever. In 11 days, they will be two years old. If not for the stupid dust currently in my eyes, I would ramble on for HOURS about perfect, funny, smart and beautiful all three are.

I am a lucky, lucky man.